ORIGINAL COPY POSTED ON INSTAGRAM DURING THE CHALLENGE
I’ve landed in a strange place. It’s bitterly cold and full of doubt. My arms are so sore and hands so unsure, they feel ineffectual at giving warmth much less holding a paintbrush.
This quote came up on my Chrome Momentum background yesterday (a pretty cool app for beautiful photography, words of wisdom and focused To-Do listing)
“Until you cross the bridge of your insecurities you can’t begin to explore your possibilities” – Tim Fargo.
And well, I think I’m there.
At one point during painting this one I really hated it – like so much my heart ached. I just wanted to stop and slapdash finish it and be done. But something about the cold pain in that quote made me stay. I put on a YouTube track for music for anxiety and tried to slow myself down, painting with more care rather than less… as though the ice on every branch mattered.
Then amid all the winter-wondering I wondered: does the patience and love we are able to give to our craft or creation correlate in some way to how much we love ourselves? Is that why I want to rush it? *because* I’m aching?
I imagined the me who was hurting and feeling all this strange cold inability as a little girl and the me who could paint as an adult sitting in a room with her. Even though I couldn’t just magic her hurt away, I knew I wouldn’t just leave the room and close the door on her. I would sit with her. And I guess that’s why I carried on painting. Towards the end I found some love for this little winter wonderland after all…
But I’m definitely feeling the storm coming…
(artist retains all rights to print reproductions of this painting)
Inspiration: common license photography