‘Yellowwood’ – Day 318/365

‘Yellowwood’ – Day 318/365

The last of my tree prayers.⁠
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All this time in bed recovering has given me tons of opportunity to listen to what’s rummaging around inside me. I found that the struggle is only a struggle because we’re struggling against it.⁠
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My back and hip muscles would never begin to release even with meds if I didn’t first accept that I was injured.⁠
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Alan Watts puts it like this:⁠

“One is a great deal less anxious if one feels perfectly free to be anxious, and the same may be said of guilt.”⁠
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And the same may be said of our pain. I probably spent a good week being stubborn about my back pain and just trying to push through with the intermittent anti-inflammatory. I’m a very unwilling patient because I hate feeling like a burden on others, or that I won’t be carrying my weight around.⁠
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And you know what? It resulted in me not being able to carry my weight around. Ha!⁠
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Giving myself permission to be free within my pain… also made space for me to get this download:⁠

“Your value doesn’t lie in the things you do around the house, these things outside of yourself. You lie in your value. “⁠
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I guess life needed me to experience it literally before I understood it internally.⁠
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And so there I was, flat on my back, not able to move, but ‘lying in my value’. Me. My body, my being, my bag of skin and bones just breathing in and out.⁠
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And so my coming out of the aching finally begins to shift.⁠

I hope this makes sense and that it’s not some opioid-induced ramble. But there you have it. ⁠

I hope you can know this too (without a painful back situation to teach you).⁠

You are your value. 💛⁠
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