‘Winter Wondering Land’ – Day 203/365

‘Winter Wondering Land’ – Day 203/365

I’ve landed in a strange place. It’s bitterly cold and full of doubt. My arms are so sore and hands so unsure, they feel ineffectual at giving warmth much less holding a paintbrush.⁠
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This quote came up on my Chrome Momentum background yesterday (a pretty cool app for beautiful photography, words of wisdom and focused To-Do listing)⁠

“Until you cross the bridge of your insecurities you can’t begin to explore your possibilities” – Tim Fargo.⁠
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And well, I think I’m there. ⁠
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At one point during painting this one I really hated it – like so much my heart ached. I just wanted to stop and slapdash finish it and be done. But something about the cold pain in that quote made me stay. I put on a YouTube track for music for anxiety and tried to slow myself down, painting with more care rather than less… as though the ice on every branch mattered. ⁠
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Then amid all the winter-wondering I wondered: does the patience and love we are able to give to our craft or creation correlate in some way to how much we love ourselves? Is that why I want to rush it? *because* I’m aching?⁠
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I imagined the me who was hurting and feeling all this strange cold inability as a little girl and the me who could paint as an adult sitting in a room with her. Even though I couldn’t just magic her hurt away, I knew I wouldn’t just leave the room and close the door on her. I would sit with her. And I guess that’s why I carried on painting. Towards the end I found some love for this little winter wonderland after all…⁠
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But I’m definitely feeling the storm coming…⁠

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