‘Surrendering to Colour’ – Day 211/365

‘Surrendering to Colour’ – Day 211/365

I’m a fairly spiritual person. I believe in signs, energies, the universe having your back and all that jazz. I believe in a lot of the stuff most people call ‘woo-woo’. And it doesn’t bother me. Because if it works for this body and mind, then it might be ‘woo-woo’ for you, but it’s true for me.
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But being spiritual doesn’t mean I glide through life on a pillow of dazed and amazed wonder. .
I feel stuff so deeply that the depth alone terrifies me and I begin to identify with it. The identification is the sucker punch.

For me, being spiritual means that I have the awakened choice to go deep into myself.
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So when I get wrapped up in the timelines, trajectories, the pressure, the outcomes and the fears and the judgement and the doubt – all of that dark, gloomy awful stuff – the only way I know how to get through it, is to go through it. To step into the mud. I don’t even do it consciously. I just slide into it and let it take me to the bottom.
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While I’m in it, it really does feel like suffocation. But when I can step up on the other embankment, caked in my own goop I do think – wow, maybe that was surrender?
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Going in means coming out. It’s been true every single time.
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After sitting in my silt for a good while, I headed back to the studio. I tried not to think of what to paint next that would be inspiring or meaningful. .
Instead, I surrendered to colour.
It didn’t miraculously make the worrying and doubt dissolve. But it did remind me that I am already an artist. Right now, I am an artist. And you don’t need anyone to make you into anything more to be that.
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I was able to create 4 paintings in that heart space so you’ll be getting a huge colour crush from me for the next few days. 💜 .
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